Stubborn Faith

One year ago today, I had surgery on my foot! I ended up breaking my foot and having what’s called a “Lisfranc Fracture.”  According to the doctors, surgery was highly recommended if I wanted any chance of healing properly and walking normally again. 

I was absolutely, 100% devastated by the news that I would have to have surgery and even more heartbroken because this was the first time in my life that I had to come face to face with the fact that I was not indestructible. 

As someone who prided herself on being able to bounce back from anything I could not wrap my mind around the fact that I had not only broken a bone, but that there was something broken that was beyond my power to fix.

I prayed and consulted with my Pastors and community and I was believing God for a miracle.  And I waited on the miraculous all the way up until my doctor told me, “We’re ready to take you back to surgery.”  I asked the Lord for one thing. If He was going to allow me to go through surgery, I needed Him to go with me. Looking back on things, God did provide me with a miracle, I made it out of surgery with zero complications; many cannot say the same.

Recovery Post Surgery

Post-surgery I spent 6 weeks on bed rest and would spend the next five months in a boot and on a scooter while in recovery.  It was a humbling experience to relearn how to walk, stand, and maintain my balance. I needed help standing up, getting dressed, and taking a bath. Overnight, I became completely dependent on my community. I felt like a burden. I felt scared. And I was extremely sad.

While on bed rest, I had a lot of time for my mind to wander.  You see, the doctors told me that I would likely not be wearing high heel shoes anymore, I could have possible arthritis, limited flexibility in my foot, and there was tons of uncertainty surrounding  how long it would take for me to fully recover.  They basically told me that the very quality of my life was about to change.

But one of my spiritual mentors told me that I have the power to declare what my recovery will look like, and after all of my tears and doubts and awful scenarios were finished running through my brain, I tapped into what I like to call, stubborn faith.  I decided to believe my situation could and would improve. 

I have the audacity to believe that I will get back to 100% and even though I’m not there yet, every day, I’m watching myself get better!

Stubborn Faith

For months I could not stand up at church to worship or walk around for offering.  But today I’ll stand as long as I want and jog as much as I can. Why, because I'm getting stronger.  I struggled for months to walk in tennis shoes, and anyone who knows me knows that I love walking in high heel shoes.  Despite a little waver in my walk at times, I can fit them again. And I’ll keep putting them on. Why, because It's getting easier.  Yes, I experience pain sometimes and some mornings I have to limp before I feel stable enough to walk normally.  But I’m going to keep walking. Why, because I'm stubborn enough to believe it'll get better. 

When I look back over this year, I see nothing but joy & progress. And that’s what I’ll hold on to, joy in the midst of process and a grateful heart because of my progress. 

To my community that carried me through this last season, 1 million Thank You’s are in order. To everyone who prayed for a successful surgery and speedy recovery, thank you! To a God that proved Himself to be Jehovah Rapha… I’m forever grateful!  

If you ever come up against a storm and you feel uncertain about the outcome just keep going and remind yourself with every step, “I’m getting better.”

Written by a woman who refuses to give up on herself.

For Your Consideration.